Confessions.

Must... not.. let... ex. back.. into. life.

must.. resist

but she got sooo hot

but she's a terrible person.

but nobody else makes me laugh like she does

WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME.   GTFO

Thank you sweetie <3 I know it doesn't change who I am, but there's so much stigma around being "disabled" or "uføre" as we say in Norwegian, the word "uføre" has become a term of abuse, and people become suspicious of the ones having invisible disabilities, especially since I'm so young. It just isn't acceptable for young people being ill, or in need of becoming "ufør", unless you have a serious handicap/bodily dysfunction, or have a serious brain damage, or a debilitating mental illness (like schizophrenia or certain personality disorders). My ADHD wasn't "serious enough", neither was my ED, so they refused my application of getting "young benefit", even if I was ill with things before the age of 26 (my disc hernia happened when I was 24), so I have never had the opportunity to earn enough to work my way up, so therefore I was granted minimum wage based on my income I had in 2009; a part time job at the grocery store.

There has been an on going debate about this system in the media lately (more say the past 4 years), - targeting the young ones (meaning people under 30 years old) and the current system has been up for discussion multiple times already by the politicians and, saying that something needs to change because people think it is "easy" to get social benefits, like they believe one can just walk up to the counter and claim it without any documentation.

Trust me, it is everything but easy, and my illnesses are well documented, I mean, I would get disapproved if my illness wasn't bad enough. There was a long process before I could even send in the application, and I have waited since the end of December last year before I got my final approval. The requirements are for one - everything work-related needs to be tried out through NAV (the name of the social security), and I have been through a lot, and it only made me worse. My dysfunction also has to be as least 50%, which it has been since 2009. And, the process also includes assessments by professionals, my adviser in the system had to get my case approved before she could even go further with my case, and that's the way it should be. Every option has been tried, so there was no other choice for me, otherwise I would end up losing my income permanently within the next two years. They changed the system last year, meaning people under 30 were forced into activities from NAV, and last year I had to participate in several job related courses, but I ended up becoming so ill I had to go inpatient for 3 weeks.

People also tend to think we who receive money from NAV become rich (trust me, I am not) I have trouble enough as it is already to make ends meet. The media only fuels up the debate regarding getting disability checks, and the social security system in Norway, and the comments on debates are filled with SO MUCH hate towards people being so unfortunate to end up in this system, and I fear people will think that I am just a lazy piece of shit who refuses to work, and live off the taxes everybody else pays to make this welfare system remain up and running. Sadly some people actually do take advantage of the welfare system, because they are lazy. So therefore, me, and several others, even if we have been approved, we are still the ones who end up with suspicion.

There have been cases of serious frauds/scams of social benefits, so bad that certain people got away with several 100k NOK a year because they lied and made up false stories, (mostly frauds of child support money) but thankfully some of them ended up being prosecuted. But that doesn't help at all. It still happens, and I am afraid of telling people I am disabled because I fear they will judge or accuse me for abusing the system, since, after all, I manage to remain functional most of the time, and yes I am able to leave my house and go shopping every now and then, but that doesn't mean I am well.. I promise you, some of the comments on debates are filled with so much hatred towards us, and I should be wise to stay away from reading them. Trust me, I would give anything to be functional again, and be able to work and earn my own money like everybody else. I am very sad this is how things ended for me, I need some time to let this sink in.


Luckily it doesn't mean "forever" even if I was granted benefits for 40 years - I am not giving up hope on becoming better. I refuse to live with this pain for the rest of my life. So yes, it is mainly because of my back problems, amongst other things.

Yep, everybody has something they struggle with, and sadly some people push themselves too hard to the point they become ill because of how fucked up the expectations are today about being a superhuman.


Sorry about the long text, but thank you for reading. <3

You know what's hard? I work really focused on my goals and I archieve them. I know how to get there and even if it' s tough I will be so pleased and happy if I get to my dreams and the feeling of being able to accomplish something is rewarding. But I expect people to think like me and it's not easy to accept that some people don't do it that fluently. And it makes me stressed to see them not giving any effort and at the end they usually blame life for not "making it" while it's clearly them not doing anything. But I don't wanna be on the high horse saying "you should do this do that", everybody needs to carry their own weight and put it down but damn it's hard to sit through.

How old are you? Reading your posts reminds me so much of myself when I was younger. You have many deep thoughts and a lot of emotions and you appreciate even the smallest things. Don't ever change that part of yourself 

It is the best thing for sure ♥ 

Todays will be better. B+